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29 November 2011 @ 12:24 am
Hmm...time flies so fast. I am still remember that one year ago, I was celebrating my birthday in Japan. and my Japanese friends celebrate my birthday until 3 times in different days! It was unforgettable moment from me, the sweetest gift in my life. I had the best part in my life when I was in Japan. Thanks to Buddha, He gave me that chance. I just pray He can give the another chance for me to visit my dreamland again.

One year ago, yes, the best part of my life. Even I face complicated problem in the end of dream. I experience the times when I feel so negative, feel no one can help me, feel each the way out has closed suddenly for me. I am so stupid. In the hard times, I got so many support especially from my friends. I feel touched, and yes I realized I am so stupid. I realized that I so negative at that time, and in fact there is no use of negative thinking. When you think everything negatively, you just invite more negative things into your life. And I experienced it, really. Many negative things come respectively in my life at that time, and I become so frustrated and more more negative. Then, I reached the point when I realize that "I can't change anything with negative thinking", a friend give contribution to me reaching that enlightment. I tried to think everything positively, I believe I can face that problem, I believe I can find the exit way of this problem. I don't know whether I have become a bit mature or not, but I think I want to continue to become a positive person.

Since 2 years ago, I am always said that "I am scared to be mature". Adult world is like a dark world for me, I can not imagine the world where I have to join to society. I have to rely on myself only, it's scary, right? I see how my older sister go through many hardship after she become an adult. She is so strong, even though I know she has many problems, she resist to tell that to her family and try to rely on herself only. I speak to myself "Can I become like that, can I become a fine adult?" I experienced many hardship since I was child, yeah, maybe I am strong, but this is a new world, and this new world get closer to me (or that world has got into me?), since many people said that a boy has become an adult when they are 21 years old. I don't know if I have become an adult or not, but without I realize I have relied on myself until now. However, I just wondering if I have rely on myself with enough maturity? Now in my birthday, I hope I can increase my quality of maturity. I know people get mature slowly, with experience, with problem, and through hardship. I want become an adult who is not only mature in appearance but in mind and heart too. So, in loudly voice now I say "I AM NOT SCARED WITH MATURITY, I WILL BECOME A FINE ADULT THAT ADORED BY MANY PEOPLE".

Fandom. I think about it in very very long time. Is fandom a form of childishness? When you idolize someone (which is a boyband who has age a bit far younger from you age) in your mature age? It's not mean I feel shame to idolize someone like Chinen Yuuri or Yamashita Tomohisa, but c'mon, many people almost would say "Are you kidding me? Do you realize how old are you?". Many people would looking down on you. But I hear, if you really have get into adult world, you would forget about fandom slowly. I saw it in many of my friends. In past time, they are Kpop fans, or Laruku-fans, or an otaku. But when they entered job world, no fandom again. It's not they don't like their fandom again, but they don't have time again for fandom-ing. Even I said something like this, I am not sure whether I can leave fandom or not. I am too love Chinen and Yamapi, maybe rather than I have to leave them, I prefer to be shame. I wanna prove that I can be mature even though I am a fanboy (of Johnnys). I just feel scared whether you still want read my fanboy-ing when I become 30 years old later..XD Or maybe I just feel scared when I have become 30 years old later, all of you have left this fandom. But like Misora Hibari-san's song title let's live "Like the river flow". 

I think I have speak too much in this entry. I just wanna said thanks to my mother, thanks you allow me to born in this world. Even though we always have love-hate relationship recently, I feel happy you become my mother. To my ex-girlfriends, I don't know where are you, but thanks because you teach me how to love someone. To my older sister, you are my mentor, I failed to protect you, sorry, even sometimes you are the one who protect me. To all my friends, thank you so much because all of you have been made these 23 years so colorful, smile and tears, we have through all of those together. I wanna continue this sacred bonds with all of you. From now on, please take care of me.


23-years-old of Andez     
Current Mood: contemplativecontemplative
Josey: 2NE1smackdelugexz on November 28th, 2011 05:28 pm (UTC)
Happy Birthday Andez!
Don't think too much of negative stuffs or about being afraid to turn mature, because just when you know it, it somehow flows to that direction. But no worries, things always get better as life goes on!

Fandom is not a childish act, it's a place that motivates you, whether it's the fandom friends you made, or the idols that you admire.

We're both november babies! wooooo. LOL.
Hope you had fun this birthday! :D
kenken18kenken18 on November 28th, 2011 06:45 pm (UTC)
Thank you Josey!
Ah, you're right...yeah let's live like river flow..it would become better slowly ne...

Because of that, I can't leave fandom...fandom is the place where I can smile so much and find many good friends...

Wow, Happy birthday to you too! /ah I am a bad friend...TT

tomo_roses: kokorotomo_roses on November 28th, 2011 05:34 pm (UTC)
Happy Birthday♪, may all your wishes come true!
I'm sure you'll be a fine adult who's adored by many people <3
Selamat Ulang Tahun, Andez (^O^)v
kenken18kenken18 on November 28th, 2011 06:37 pm (UTC)
Thank you so much Gook..<3

I hope so..No, I believe I can!!

Terima kasih...<3
ひろみ: [daiki] ganbareeeeeeeeee!lovegahora on November 28th, 2011 05:36 pm (UTC)
Awww bb~ let's get old in this fandom together, shall we? ;)

Maligayang Bati! /batooooo
kenken18: CHUU~kenken18 on November 28th, 2011 06:13 pm (UTC)
yes, let's get old in fandom together bb..
I don't know but I feel touched with that sentence...TT

salamat!!!! /batooooo
(no subject) - lovegahora on November 28th, 2011 06:32 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - kenken18 on November 28th, 2011 06:40 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - lovegahora on November 28th, 2011 06:51 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - kenken18 on November 28th, 2011 07:06 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - lovegahora on November 29th, 2011 12:25 pm (UTC) (Expand)
nikasantosnikasantos on November 28th, 2011 06:03 pm (UTC)
Happy Bday!!!
Be positive!!! and there's nothing wrong in becoming an adult who looks up to their idols!!!! you dont see many like that anymore...even though mjy mum is like tht -_- I find it cool!!! :D
Just do your best and everything will be fine...hopefully~ ;)
kenken18kenken18 on November 28th, 2011 06:47 pm (UTC)
Thank you Nico!
Yes, I will become a positive person always!
ahahaha, it seems fun having mum like that! XD
once again, thank you ne!
(no subject) - nikasantos on December 3rd, 2011 08:57 pm (UTC) (Expand)
rorychanrorychan on November 28th, 2011 07:40 pm (UTC)
I will never leave the fandom mister, so you'll always have me here. BTW, I turn 24 in 3 weeks. >___< People can say whatever they want, but being true to yourself is the most important thing.
kenken18kenken18 on November 29th, 2011 05:46 am (UTC)

(no subject) - rorychan on November 29th, 2011 05:53 am (UTC) (Expand)
(Deleted comment)
kenken18kenken18 on November 29th, 2011 06:16 am (UTC)
thank you ne!!!
ai_yuyanai_yuyan on November 28th, 2011 09:22 pm (UTC)
Today is 29th so Happy birthday :)
kenken18kenken18 on November 29th, 2011 06:26 am (UTC)
awww..thank you!! <3
Kikiiiriejingi95 on November 29th, 2011 12:01 am (UTC)
Though it is not a fic, I shall leave my SPOT anyways~^^
*Kikii shall come back to read after finals end~~*
kenken18kenken18 on November 29th, 2011 09:00 am (UTC)
I will wait your next comment dear...<3
(no subject) - iriejingi95 on November 29th, 2011 11:54 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Stefy Lee Chan [北野てっぴえ]: daiki ♥kamui_lee_chan on November 29th, 2011 01:11 am (UTC)
Happy Birthday Andez!
At whatever age everyone has the right to get into the fandom world. Sometimes I feel bored about it but something is pulls you back in.
Anyhow I hope you have a great day! *cheers*
kenken18kenken18 on November 29th, 2011 07:01 am (UTC)
Thank you!! <3
Fandom always motivates me.so yeah, I can't leave fandom! let's stay young in fandom together..<3
choco_ichigotegomass_ai26 on November 29th, 2011 01:21 am (UTC)
Happy Birthday!
I was touched when I was reading your post,
I have the same sentiment as you.. I'm still afraid to be mature but ever since I started living alone, I'm learning new things everyday and hoping (no... ) aiming to become a mature adult one day

I know you'll become a fine adult what will be adored by many people ^.^

Fandom is not childish.. I respect you for being proudly saying the things you like. I also think that I will not be able to leave this fandom anymore XD (so inlove with them).. let's all grow old in this fandom <3

Happy Birthday again! ^.^/
thank you for always sharing fandom stuffs with us m(_ _)m

btw.. that's so cool your birthday and Chinen's birthday are the next to each other XD
kenken18kenken18 on November 29th, 2011 09:02 am (UTC)
thank you nee...
but now I am not scared again to become adult...
and let's struggle together to become a fine adult together!

let's stay young in this fandom! XD

because I and Chinen is DESTINY...XDDD
aleelollyaleelolly on November 29th, 2011 01:39 am (UTC)
happy birthday kak andez :D
semoga selalu diberi umur panjang dan tambah semua yg baek-baek, amin amin :)
kenken18kenken18 on November 29th, 2011 05:39 am (UTC)
Makasih ya!! Amin!
riryuuchanriryuchan on November 29th, 2011 02:02 am (UTC)
Otanjoubi omedetou gozaimasu andez-senpai ^^
wish u all the best :DDD
kenken18kenken18 on November 29th, 2011 05:39 am (UTC)
Thank you ya!
✿ a girl on a Kansai horse ✿: yama-chan lickgigabytexx on November 29th, 2011 03:23 am (UTC)
Happy Birthday dongsaeng~ aduh sudah 23 tahun, noona berasa tua... XD #halah cuma beda setaun lol /plak

Enjoy your day today~! :3
kenken18: CHUU~kenken18 on November 29th, 2011 05:35 am (UTC)
aduh gpp kok ci..di jepang umur segitu masih muda...XD

thanks ya ci...XD
swingingpadmaswingingpadma on November 29th, 2011 04:06 am (UTC)
Happy Birthday~ WUTB \(^o^)g..
It's been so long since last time I read your post regularly *blame my stupid job*
Keep up a good work..

Btw..It's fun to know that we sharing the same idol fan-ing *chii~* and birthday~ =))
kenken18kenken18 on November 29th, 2011 05:34 am (UTC)
Thank you!
oh, work life seems hard ne..
but ganbatte!!

eh really?
you have same birthday with me???
(no subject) - swingingpadma on November 29th, 2011 06:07 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - kenken18 on November 29th, 2011 06:27 am (UTC) (Expand)
Fujikawa Rinfujikawarinfr on November 29th, 2011 04:43 am (UTC)
I'm one of ur 'silent reader'
Maap selama ini tdk 'bersuara' :p
kenken18kenken18 on November 29th, 2011 05:29 am (UTC)
Thank you!
wah stalker saya ternyata...XD
(no subject) - fujikawarinfr on November 29th, 2011 05:47 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - kenken18 on November 29th, 2011 06:29 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - fujikawarinfr on November 29th, 2011 07:30 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - kenken18 on November 29th, 2011 08:56 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - fujikawarinfr on November 29th, 2011 09:31 am (UTC) (Expand)