Hmm...time flies so fast. I am still remember that one year ago, I was celebrating my birthday in Japan. and my Japanese friends celebrate my birthday until 3 times in different days! It was unforgettable moment from me, the sweetest gift in my life. I had the best part in my life when I was in Japan. Thanks to Buddha, He gave me that chance. I just pray He can give the another chance for me to visit my dreamland again.
One year ago, yes, the best part of my life. Even I face complicated problem in the end of dream. I experience the times when I feel so negative, feel no one can help me, feel each the way out has closed suddenly for me. I am so stupid. In the hard times, I got so many support especially from my friends. I feel touched, and yes I realized I am so stupid. I realized that I so negative at that time, and in fact there is no use of negative thinking. When you think everything negatively, you just invite more negative things into your life. And I experienced it, really. Many negative things come respectively in my life at that time, and I become so frustrated and more more negative. Then, I reached the point when I realize that "I can't change anything with negative thinking", a friend give contribution to me reaching that enlightment. I tried to think everything positively, I believe I can face that problem, I believe I can find the exit way of this problem. I don't know whether I have become a bit mature or not, but I think I want to continue to become a positive person.
Since 2 years ago, I am always said that "I am scared to be mature". Adult world is like a dark world for me, I can not imagine the world where I have to join to society. I have to rely on myself only, it's scary, right? I see how my older sister go through many hardship after she become an adult. She is so strong, even though I know she has many problems, she resist to tell that to her family and try to rely on herself only. I speak to myself "Can I become like that, can I become a fine adult?" I experienced many hardship since I was child, yeah, maybe I am strong, but this is a new world, and this new world get closer to me (or that world has got into me?), since many people said that a boy has become an adult when they are 21 years old. I don't know if I have become an adult or not, but without I realize I have relied on myself until now. However, I just wondering if I have rely on myself with enough maturity? Now in my birthday, I hope I can increase my quality of maturity. I know people get mature slowly, with experience, with problem, and through hardship. I want become an adult who is not only mature in appearance but in mind and heart too. So, in loudly voice now I say "I AM NOT SCARED WITH MATURITY, I WILL BECOME A FINE ADULT THAT ADORED BY MANY PEOPLE".
Fandom. I think about it in very very long time. Is fandom a form of childishness? When you idolize someone (which is a boyband who has age a bit far younger from you age) in your mature age? It's not mean I feel shame to idolize someone like Chinen Yuuri or Yamashita Tomohisa, but c'mon, many people almost would say "Are you kidding me? Do you realize how old are you?". Many people would looking down on you. But I hear, if you really have get into adult world, you would forget about fandom slowly. I saw it in many of my friends. In past time, they are Kpop fans, or Laruku-fans, or an otaku. But when they entered job world, no fandom again. It's not they don't like their fandom again, but they don't have time again for fandom-ing. Even I said something like this, I am not sure whether I can leave fandom or not. I am too love Chinen and Yamapi, maybe rather than I have to leave them, I prefer to be shame. I wanna prove that I can be mature even though I am a fanboy (of Johnnys). I just feel scared whether you still want read my fanboy-ing when I become 30 years old later..XD Or maybe I just feel scared when I have become 30 years old later, all of you have left this fandom. But like Misora Hibari-san's song title let's live "Like the river flow".
I think I have speak too much in this entry. I just wanna said thanks to my mother, thanks you allow me to born in this world. Even though we always have love-hate relationship recently, I feel happy you become my mother. To my ex-girlfriends, I don't know where are you, but thanks because you teach me how to love someone. To my older sister, you are my mentor, I failed to protect you, sorry, even sometimes you are the one who protect me. To all my friends, thank you so much because all of you have been made these 23 years so colorful, smile and tears, we have through all of those together. I wanna continue this sacred bonds with all of you. From now on, please take care of me.
23-years-old of Andez